Hell on Earth

These days, there is no pick up. There's doom and despair hanging over my head like a blanket of thick, angry clouds, waiting to strike me with another lightning bolt. There's a knife to my throat, telling me that there's nowhere I can possibly run to. I'm already in a kind of hell. I'm experiencing life.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

REDIRECT TO TUMBLR.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!!

Dearest Mum,

Have the very best birthday. I hope you are having an awesome time at Sui Goh's house with everybody and that you're really taking the break you deserve. I looooveeee youuuuuuuu!!!!

XOXO

After days of anticipation, Chichi finally gave birth this morning to 7 pups. But they're all dead. May their pink little bodies rest in peace forever. And, may her next litter survive. 7 pups is a huge litter. Too bad the mortality rate was 100%.

Check tumblr for some picture awesomeness!

You heard it!

YOU'RE the suckiest girlfriend ever!

Ivan: What's wrong with your family! All don't have licenses!
Bean starts to fume
Bean: What's wrong with YOUR family! All big heads and small bodies! HAHAHAHAHA
Ivan: (with a scared look) No it's just me.. YOU SUCK!! You're saying I'm like a by-product!!! You're the suckiest girlfriend ever!
Bean: YOU'RE the suckiest girlfriend ever!

And Now We're Being Honest

Sometimes I have to try really hard not to get sucked into the vortex of violence. I know that one instance where I feel like I want to pierce my eardrum really hard or pound my feet with weights and break a bone will just keep me in the vortex for the rest of my life and it's always a hard decision whether or not to go with it.

Glub

I'm back to feeling like I'm drowning. Is it a hump or is it life? I can try to go running to get things off my mind, but I know I won't make it around the block. And I am struggling to keep my head above the water already, running can only make things worse (both literally and figuratively). I must persevere.

Nightmares again. I'm so sick of having nightmares. So sick.

It's like being stuck in a loveless marriage with yourself. Everything you do is not correct, and it cannot be corrected. There seems to be a solution but in the long term evwerything falls to pieces. What then? Why try to solve something that's just going to keep happening? I find myself asking the same questions because I don't see a better future than this. What I had, which was horrible in its own way, was only a little patch of oblivion to what the world really is and how my life will really be like. I would much rather be alone where there's no possible way I can hurt other people's feelings while mastering my own.

Happy Birthday Ivan!!

I'm just so tired. I'm tired of my "friends", I'm tired of everything. I just want to be by myself right now and for long while. This is probably the worst time for this to happen.

Happy Birthday Ivan!! Hope you'll like the cake tonight. :)

Happy Birthday Yeeyee!!!!

Happy birthday to my dearest, most beloved Yeeyee! It is now officially your birthday, unlike yesterday when I called, and I LOVE YOU! I will call you later in the day when you will be awake!!!!!!!!!!

R.I.P

You were a great hamster. You never fussed, never fought, never made a mess. You were kind and loving to your brother, and you loved your mealworms. I'm sorry you left us so soon, I should have been more careful with what the vet gave you. I hope you're in a better place now and I miss you so much already. All those wood sticks and the ladder that I got just for you, well, now nobody will use them because they were only ever yours. To Oreo, the most docile hamster there ever was, and yet curious and loving.

High five for rehab!

Wooooh, it's time to feel alive! I'm starting to understand that well, yes, it helped for a long time, but the now requires me to start living my own life. But first, let me find a way to get rid of my eyebags. They are about to jump off my face and start their own colony. The weird thing is that I'm still sleeping about 10 hours a day. Gah... I can't sleep 12 hours anymore! I miss ALL the sunshine that way. It's extremely unhealthy to live like this. Must. Stop. Drinking. Coke.

Rachael Flatt

Just watched her performance at the Winter Olympics, GOODNESS, you can see that she's just having the time of her life, and it shows in the way her performance shines!